ASSORTED SAYINGS AND POEMS ETC..

ASSORTED SAYINGS AND POEMS ETC..

 

Like many proud parents, my aunt displays a decal on the back

window of her car naming the college her three sons attend.

One day, she got a flat tire, so she pulled over and asked a

passer-by for help. The man glanced at her rear window “Lady”

he said, “You went to three colleges and you still don’t know

how to change a tire?”

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NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

 

Plan ahead

Set realistic goals

Be specific

Please yourself first

Ask for help

Try substitution

Use reminders

Never say never

Don’t give up

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The Power Of Imagination Makes Us Infinite.

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We learn from experience that men never learn anything from

experience.

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Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.

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Here’s to spaghetti,

Supple and sinuous,

Slender and tenuous,

Long and continuous;

Slippery, Peppery,

Doomed to entangle us;

Succulent serpentine,

Food  of the brave;

Heres to spaghetti,

And long may it wave.

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Words are small shapes in the gorgeous chaos of the world,

shapes that bring the world into focus, coual ideas, hone

thoughts. They paint watercolors of perception.

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Journalism is literature in a hurry!

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Pessimist – one who no’s too much!

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Stars like a distant campfires on the plain of night.

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We are not primarily put on earth to see through one another,

but to see one another through.

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If only we wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want

to be happier than other people, which is difficult, since

we think them happier than they are.

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People don’t marry people, not real ones anyway; they marry

what they think the person is; they marry illusions and

images. The exciting adventure of marriage is finding out who

the partner really is.

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The fear of death keeps us from living, not from dying.

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One person with a belief is a social power equal to 99 who

have only interests.

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One American put it this way: Every tomorrow has two handles.

We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the

handle of faith.

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Parents are people who have photos

For everyone to see,

In compartments of their billfolds

Where the money used to be.

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Ethically challenged – crooked

Chronologically gifted – old

Fiscally retentive – cheap

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Jets autograph the sky with invisible ink.

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At times the best way to say no is to simply say it.

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Humor is a fine way of saying no!

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Percentage of adults who own a computer but never use it: 42

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According to a recent audit, amount of money each month that

the US Government mails to dead people: $4,300,000

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Number of dead people who receive benefits from the

Department of Veterans affairs: 1212

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Number of Americans who use cellular telephones: 5,300,000

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What happened to the blonde tap dancer?

She fell into the sink!

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Why can’t a blonde get a drivers license?   Every time the

car stops, she gets in the back seat.

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Number of gallons of water flushed through toliets every day

in the U.S.: 4.8 Billion

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Gallons of mouthwash gargled each day: 69,000

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It is better to have a lion at the head of an army of sheep,

than a sheep at the head of an army of lions.

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Courage consists not in blindly overlooking danger, but in

seeing it, and conquering it.

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Into the sunshine,

Full of the night,

Leaping and flashing

From morn till night!

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We live by encouragement and die without it – slowly, sadly,

and angrily!

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A mans judgement is best when he can forget himself and any

reputation he may have acquired and can concentrate wholly on

making the right decisions

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Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to

spring.

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A lot of us have seen the light, but for many of us its the

one inside the refrigerator.

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How come we trust banks with our money, but they can’t trust

us with their pens.

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Some medications should be taken with food, and some food

should be eaten with lots of medication.

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Biotechnology is a booming new field. Companies have stopped

trying to build a better mousetrap and are now trying to

build a better mouse.

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The things that count most in life are the things that can’t

be counted.

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Why do they call them the “branches of government” when none

of our leaders seem willing to go out on a limb?

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Every man is the architect of his own fortune.

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Go to friends for advice

To women for pity

To strangers for charity

To relatives for nothing!

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In the bottle, discontent seeks for comfort, cowardice for

courage, and bashfulness for confidence.

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Travel is a foretaste of hell.

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An income is what you can’t live without or within.

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What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.

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When money speaks, the truth is silent.

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Its easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to

them.

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I heard that in Battle Creek, Michigan, a man was found dead

in a bathtub filled with milk. His mouth was stuffed with a

banana. The preliminary police report suggested that it was

the work of a cereal killer!

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What did the blonde say when asked to be a Jehovah’s Witness?

“Hey, I didn’t even see the accident.”

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Everywhere I go, myself

May I have luck,

Everywhere my close relatives go

May they have their own good luck.

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What State License Plates Should Say But Don’t!

 

Rhode Island – Land of Obscurity

Oklahoma – The recruiting violations state

Maine – Home of George Bush

Minnesota – Too damn cold

Wisconsin – Eat cheese or die

California – Freeway congestion with occasional gunfire

New Jersey – Armpit of the Nation

North Dakota – Incredibly boring

Nebraska – More interesting than North Dakota

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The sky pulled a dark sheet over us and pinned it with stars.

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If anyone thinks he has no responsibilities, it is because he has not sought them out.

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Is Merle Haggard from being on the road?

Did Debra Winger way to Hollywood?

Will Monica Seles her tennis racket?

Can Harrison Ford the river?

Does Winona Ryder bicycle to the movie studio?

Should Kathleen Turner key in the lock to open the door?

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Marriage is natures way of keeping people from fighting with

strangers.

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In this topsy-turvy world, it is now the custom to go out to

dinner and stay home to watch a movie.

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Thou didst, in strains of eloquence refin’d,

Inflame the soul, and captivate the mind.

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You are tired and weary

But you must go on

He will give you the strength and everything you need

To live another day to praise and sing him another song.

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The very essence of leadership is that you have to have a

vision. You can’t blow an uncertain trumpet.

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Now and then an innocent man is sent to the Congress!

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Foolproof systems don’t take into account the ingenuity of

fools.

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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

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Men still die with their boots on, but usually one boot is on

the accelerator.

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Be good, and you will be lonesome.

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I won’t mind being a senior citizen, I just don’t want to

graduate from that!

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Spotted on the bottom of a menu in Fort Bragg, Cal: “These

items may or may not be available at all and other times all

the time.”

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Spotted on a restaurant coupon: “Buy one hot dog for the

price of two and receive a second hot dog absolutely free.”

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Spotted in the police – beat section of the St.Louis Sanibel

Islander: “A woman lost her necklace and her charm while

shopping March 12.”

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This bottle thinks that I’m its guy,

But here beneath this unlit sky,

I’m no one’s guy but hers I know,

Although our vows were several ones ago.

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Oh show me a home where the buffalo roam,

And I’ll show you a very messy house.

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A journey of a hundred miles starts with an argument over how

to load the car.

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If you care to bet on events in a Winter Olympics, I strongly

recommend putting your money on those athletes who have the

fewest vowels in their names.

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Roses are red

So is the wine

I wish I had a valentine.

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Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

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Putting lights in Wrigley Field is like putting aluminum

siding on the Sistine Chapel.

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If we are alone in the universe, with what respect should we

treat each other and the rest of the life forms that inhabit

the earth?

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Man keeps looking for,

A truth that fits his reality.

Given our reality,

The truth doesn’t fit.

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We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

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For I saw by the sickly moonlight

As I followed, bending low,

That the walking of the stranger

Left no footprints in the snow.

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The difference between eating out and dining out is about ten

dollars per person.

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For he who lives more lives then one

More deaths than one must he die

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Constellations change

But the shining stars still dance

My heart is peaceful

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Man keeps looking for

A truth that fits his reality.

Given my reality,

The truth doesn’t fit.

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We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

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The bitter clamour of two eager tongues

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